Gender Development

I was born the youngest of four. My mom always wanted a little girl as she grew up with 5 brothers. She had one after two boys, my sibling Alex. Six days short of two years later, I was born! She dressed up Alex and I in all sorts of colorful dresses and skirts, with bows in our hair. We also shared a room in which my mom painted pink and green with a flowery fan. I embraced this as a little kid and continued to dress similarly throughout elementary school. During this time I enjoyed learning to do hair and was the hair stylist for Alex and I. I got my own room at 10 when my brother went to college. I painted it bright purple and my comforter had pink and green throughout. I had a geometric accent wall that was filled with every color I could think of. I continued dressing myself similarly to what my mom had put me in. I only began to wear sportier clothes to school because of the influences around me. My friends were doing it, my teammates, and Alex who was in middle school by the time I hit fourth grade. At the time I felt that I fit in more because I had friends and was ‘cool’ to the boys. Once I hit middle school, Alex had come out as non-binary. For me, nothing much changed. I dressed the same, hung out with the same people; only difference was what I called my sibling. Though I still dressed in mostly athletic wear, I’d begun to incorporate skinny jeans as they were popular. Covid hit towards the end of 8th grade and it allowed me to experiment more with what I enjoyed wearing. Alex and I often borrowed clothes from one another and I began learning to do my own makeup. I struggled a lot with acne in middle and high school so I used makeup as a tool to hide my insecurities. By junior year I was struggling mentally and emotionally. Though I was slowly falling down a hole I was still concerned with how I looked. It was when I got therapy that I began to branch out and become more confident. I stopped wearing makeup everyday as it just irritated my skin more. I didn’t let what others wore dictate what I wanted to wear. And I began to learn how to embrace my natural hair. I am now a sophomore in college and definitely still don’t understand my style, but I just put together outfits that make me feel best that day. I get ready now for myself rather than for everyone else’s expectations. I’ve also seen this gender development in my athletes. One summer I referred to someone as “bro.” A young kid responded “she’s a girl, not a boy.” Now it al makes sense.